A Day I Fail as a Mother


Thursday-Day three of Big Guy with fever and stinky-Caca attitude. The doctor told me that he just has a virus that he has to work on his own. He needs rest, Popsicles, Jell-O, lots of water and some salty things if he will eat it. If he doesn’t get better by Monday, bring him back in.

Well, as soon as I got to the store, I forgot why I went in the first place. Went home… Can’t even remember the rest of the day, I am so tired.

Friday,  new day, lots to do. Big Guy still with stinky-caca attitude and Little Guy has now adapted the stinky-caca attitude also. They are fighting, crying, will…not… Stop.

Me…Tired… Can’t focus… So tired, I could fall asleep on the floor. The fighting, I need to pack, the crying, where do I start?, the stinky-caca attitude, I hide in a corner and star crying. I am just so tired with a million things to do, but no energy.

I get up and clean. Finally, the kids are quiet, a puzzle saved the day. Well, 20 minutes until the fighting starts again. Little guys cuddles with me, falls asleep.

Daddy comes home, I take a time out to go to Target ALONE and buy some things. Get a phone call. Big Guy, crying for me to come home. He won’t eat, I have no patience left, he says he will not eat, we put him in his room to sleep on his own for the first time ever. Read him a story and he falls asleep.

I can’t sleep… I keep checking on him.. He spiked a fever again, 102.5. He wakes up, his throat hurts. I give him Tylenol. I bring him to my bed to Sniggle.

I lay here, exhausted, not being able to sleep until his fever goes down. And then I realized… I never got him his Popsicles or his Jell-O, he is supposed to rest and it is perfectly normal for him not to eat, he has a sore throat and a danm fever. It was like it all played in my head, as if I had a to push “play” on the DVD player, to play black everything the doctor said.

I cannot even express how upset I am with myself for not remembering. Literally, blanked out tired. That I could be so upset with my son, when it is not his fault.

Tomorrow, we will sit, lay, watch movies, eating Popsicles. Screw the house, screw packing for vacation, screw the vacation, I am going to Sniggle with my boys and relax. And enjoy making my babies feel better.

Today, Sabrina commented that she loved my mission on my about page. I read it and realized, I am off course, way off course. I forgot again, that I need to stop and enjoy… Breath and pause… So I need to get back on course.

Until Next Time My Friend,

Thank You Sabrina!

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