I jolted out of bed because he screamed my name! He must have left his keys I thought. I ran downstairs. I look at my phone. No missed calls He left his phone too… Must be one of those days. I looked outside the window, it is still dark outside, I am afraid to open the door, there’s no car, what if it wasn’t him? …what if he’s hurt and I felt it. Crazy, but there have been stranger things happen.
I call his phone: no answer. I wait.
I call again… Nothing…
Seriously.. You need to let me know if u are okay. I woke up because I thought I heard you scream my name..
I ran downstairs looking for you…. I couldn’t find you.
Maybe, he’s in an important call and can’t answer. I wait…
I call, no answer
I call again: still no answer.
I am sweating, nauceaus and my mind starts racing. What if he got shot? Or got into an accident and is unconscious? What if he needs help? No… He’s okay… He’s okay… He has to be okay.
please tell me u are ok
I call again: no answer
At this point, I don’t know if my pregnancy is causing crazy anxiety dreams, if I am overreacting, or flat out crazy. I sit down. For what feels like forever… Waiting. Not a good idea.
I check the news…nothing. I check Facebook…nothing. Why would there be anything? It’s only news when it’s some criminal that has more rights than the victims they’ve had. I am trying not to panic. The mind can be an ugly place when you are scared.
TELL ME YOU ARE OK!!! PLEASE!!!
I can literally hear my heart in my head. Feel it through my body, my blood pressure is high, I am shaking…I think I am going to vomit. My brain being my worst enemy right now. I will hunt whoever hurts him and make them sorry. My mind is in panic mode. My heart is literally choking me by now. I take a deep breath and dial my phone.
Blah, blah, Police Department, Blah, Blah, Blah
“Hi, this me (me), how are you?”
Good, thank you.
“I am ————‘s wife and I know this may be crazy, but is he okay?”
Yeah, Hi, he’s on a call right now, why?
“Good, thank you! I woke up because I though he called me, but he didn’t and so I called his phone but he’s not answering and I’m just a little worried.” Little worried? I am ready to go 80’s Carrie on some bastards.
Oooooh honey, he’s okay… But let me send him a message, I’ll start with “not an emergency” so he knows you are okay and I’ll have him call you. And as soon as I see him, I’ll make sure he does.
“Thank you, sooooo much. Sorry for this crazy call-”
Noo, you call any time!
Yeah, I’m pregnant I can be crazy… Lol
“Thank you, have a great day!”
Okay honey, you too.
As soon as I hang up, MY LOVE shows on my phone and I couldn’t answer fast enough.
“I woke up because I heard you scream my name and I looked for you and you weren’t there…” And that was it, I was crying, trying not to hyperventilate because of the pain just from worry in my heart.
He apologized because his ringer was off and assured me today is going to be a nice, easy day.
And here I am to show whoever reads this, the worries of the wife of a police officer. They put their life on the line EVERY DAY… they deal with guns, knifes, car accidents, dangerous road situations or worst, crazy, irrational people.
But any little thing can cause a panic attack to their wives. Although, there are some assholes that wear the uniforms, doesn’t mean that they all are assholes. They are doing their jobs so they can keep YOUR streets safe so they can keep the streets safe for their families and come home to them.
And just like that, my smallest sniggle bug walked in to cuddle and ask me about Spiderman.
This is our lives people… And sometimes, it sucks, but most days we are just thankful to be home safe.