I was Pentecostal until my teenage years. In my church, things like wearing earrings and pants were tickets straight to hell. Listening to mundane music, breathing the wrong way hell, hell, hell.
Then the church fell apart… The pastor was having an affair with a parishioner’s wife who was having an affair with someone else. Being a teenager, this pissed me off. All of that preaching, making ME feel guilty for being a sinner when their hands were dirtier than mine.
Since then I had decided that the people that preach judgmentally, are the ones with the most skeletons in their closets.
My philosophy became:
Treat others the way you want to be treated.
Be a good person and you will be okay.
I still believe in God, I just wasn’t going to go to church and have people tell me I was going to hell.
So that was that.
My husband was raised Catholic. I thought, from the Catholics that I knew, that they were more crazy and judgemental than any other religion. Before of course ISIS who decapitate Christians just for existing. But then I realized that there are nutty, judgemental radical people in every religion, including atheist, that it’s just part of being human.
I married in a catholic church, I have had my children baptized. But I did it, because it was important for my husband. This man who from the beginning loved me with all my baggage, with all my flaws. This man, who’s love and respect for me is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced is a Catholic. So, it makes me happy to love and respect his beliefs right back.
We don’t agree on everything religion wise. And I tend to challenge everything, not to be a pain, but because I believe that the apostles were human and that they may have put their own rules into the bible. There’s no proof of such thing, but that’s what I believe and I’m sticking to it.
I also get confused on how dark the old testament is… Flooding of the world and the story of Job to name a few. A question that lingers on me is… if God is not bound by time, he is the past present and future, then why bother putting the tree of knowledge in the garden in the first place? He knew what was going to happen, he already knew how awful the world would turn out to be before he created it. Free will does not answer anything, but it is the only answer I seem to get.
I’m not into blindly just believing everything without an explanation, which means that I lack faith. But I would be lying if I stated otherwise.
Why do I believe in God when so much evil is present in the world? Because there is more beauty, more good, more love than there is evil. And because a whole world forming out of nothing, absolute nothing, makes no sense to me.
And because I want to believe.
So this is my first year celebrating Lent along with my husband and children. For 40 days, we are giving up something. Credit Cards (hopefully for good) and eating out.
I had a rough night… Around 3 am, I woke up because my back was just killing me and with contractions. I couldn’t sleep, so I checked my email and I found out that we got our federal taxes, so unfortunately, we have credit card debt and I paid it off..well, most of it. But I decided that we are going to not use cards anymore.
Till 7am I sat by myself downstairs trying to figure out our finances and tried to ignore the backache. I ate a banana, Babe came downstairs and we watched X-Files, but I couldn’t focus. I went back to bed and slept until 12.
I made lunch.
Pizzadillas and salad for the boys, bean and cheese burritos for babe and I. It was delicious!
We went to gymnastics an hour early due to my crazy brain. Ate shrimp with rice noodles for dinner and went to church for Ash Wednesday.
Here is a pic of Babe teaching Doodle to pray the rosary.
He busted me!
No meat on holy days or on Fridays, I can live with that. No credit cards, no eating out. I think one thing that I need to throw in there is no yelling. With my lack of patience, I have been borderline with.
Are you giving anything up for lent?